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I have been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome many hardships, which I admire. But, she has been often caught off guard by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Several of her friends drifted away then, since they had been focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we have each left the workforce and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role between us is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a holiday to a country I have traveled to many times even called home for a while. I tried to share insights, yet it was unappreciated. She purely only wanted me to confirm her choices. I recently returned from 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without a word, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her actions on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, yet this is not often the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no disagreement about this. What you feel belong to you, naturally. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the interaction between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's wildly effective for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they won't abandon since their identity relies on it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may at first react this way then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you satisfaction from having been honest with her.